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Oct. 19th, 2008 | 12:06 am
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: whatever the neighbor is playing next door. I vaguely recognize it

Realization time. I hoped and prayed and wished and gave up everything so that I could have what I ultimately wanted. Every fallen star, every late night wish, every daydream in the silliest way. I wanted him to want me the way that I wanted him. Hindsight being what it is, I think maybe he did. Madly truly deeply. I have a part of him that no one ever will touch. The great loves of his life will come and go and when they come and go I will still be there. Its not... its not Disney's version of happily ever after. I don't get the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog in the yard. But is that what I really wanted? No.. I just wanted someone that wanted to be with me. Just me. Just Tonnya who is lazy and a slob. Who would rather curl up in bed with a book than sit on the couch and watch tv... who thinks that if her internet ever truly went down she would waste away.And he does, he loves me but as I tell everyone.. its different. I think for the first time I am beginning to see how different. And what is different about it. And fir the first time I can smile and my heart not feel like there is a stone sitting on it. He is and will always be my best friend. The girls that come and go in his life and the boys that come and go in my life, that is just a reality, a fact. A non negotiable when it comes to me. Him.. we shall see. I believe that I am important to him.. I know that I am important to him. I wont ever be the girlfriend, or the girl that gets the attention, or the girl that gets to be claimed as 'his' lady. But I am the girl he comes to talk to, and the girl that holds his hand and the girl that regardless of the fact that he is not -with- me I want the best for him. He deserves the best . Crazy mixed up life. No one prepares you for the other relationship in your life. You get told about your boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife and mate pairing. What they dont tell you is about that companion pairing. That person that is your friend, has part of your soul, and reminds you regardless of everything else, you wont die alone

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from: darkmaya
date: Oct. 19th, 2008 12:29 pm (UTC)

The hot guy in Virginia?
Wait, im confused, is he here now? o_O

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